


A Collection

by Hungry_AloeLeaf



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Comedy, Darky starting off the night with a scathing warmup for the audience, Humor, but you can easily skip it if you don't like, decided to do this again because it's fun!, i put some already done jokes you may have seen before in other places, i tried to do original-ish stuff but what is originality, implied stuffing because I couldn't help myself for one of them, just moments from certain aus, me thinks - Freeform, some of these aren't even meant to be funny, this is basically for fun and i hope you have fun reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29833023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hungry_AloeLeaf/pseuds/Hungry_AloeLeaf
Summary: For Erin Hunter's series, Warriors!mainly jokes and things involving our dear cats! try to lose your brain temporarily to have a little fun reading thisor notthis may not even be funnybut trying never hurts
Relationships: Ashfoot/Deadfoot (Warriors), Blackfoot/Mistyfoot (Warriors), Breezepelt/Harespring (Warriors), Breezepelt/Heathertail (Warriors), Crowfeather/Yew (Warriors), Firestar/Onewhisker (Warriors), Jayfeather/Kestrelflight (Warriors), Needleclaw/Lightleap (Warriors)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	A Collection

Darktail, with Onewhisker’s phone: All of you are disgusting. I have seen the disgusting things you have done and you need help my friends

\---

Crowfeather: the best way to wake someone up is with a chicken-kiss! *takes sloppy bite of chicken* a demonstration!

Crow: *leans over the couch where Brambleclaw is sleeping and smooches him*

Bramble: *jolts awake* o _H M_ **Y STARS** -

\---

Stormfur: *in the Tribe* As you can see, there’s a mountain. Over there, we have some more mountains! Mountains galore! Don't you just love mountains!

\---

Leopardstar: One of you better stop bringing your warriors in my territory! >:C

Firestar: Literally NO ONE wants your fishy lands

Blackstar: I don’t even share a border with you

Onestar: *staring off into space* I want a corndog.

\---

Squirrelflight: *crying* I cant believe my sister is dead

Squirrel:…

Squirrel: more than I can’t believe she mated Crowfeather

Leafpool, from Starclan: like RAMBLECLAW there is supposed to be better

\---

Kestrelflight: As a hairdresser, I know when I see a good head of hair I’d like to make a personal wig out of, boo!

Jayfeather: Listen, if you simply do your job, nobody has to get all their teeth knocked out their mouth tonight

Kestrel: *face planted in Jay’s scalp* mmm yeeeeaaaah sure

\---

_In Starclan…_

Firestar: There is only one thing worse than someone who abandons somebody *yoinks “somebody” off the board to reveal “a wife and child”* BOOM.

Onestar: *horrified gasp* A WIFE AND CHILD

Blackstar: …

\---

Breezepelt: *sobbing* I think a kittypet got my dad…

Lionblaze: Aw, come on! Nobody wants _your_ dad.

Yew: *from the bushes* Your dad is mine froglip-

\---

Deadfoot: Ah, my sweet love! Your beauty outshines the scales of the greatest fish! In a school of… fish!

Ashfoot:… are you calling _me_ a FISH? I am your _wife!_

_Nearby but from afar_

Tallstar: *wipes tear from eye* no, I do not regret shipping those two…

Mudclaw: it looks like she’s about to cuss him out though

Tallstar: YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND TRUE LOVE

\---

Rowanclaw, receiving his lives: Blackstar! *excitedly* What life are you going to give me?

Blackstar: With this life… I give you the strength to spank the hell out of those rowdy apprentices who think that the privilege to live in a Clan that provides for them is a game! Show no mercy!

Rowanclaw: oh

_*mere seconds later*_

Rowan: *writhing in agony* _TAKEITBACKTAKEITBACKTAKEITBACKTAKEITBAAAAAAAaaaayayayayayaaaaak_

\---

Heathertail: *woozily* don’t you think Breeze is kinda hot?

Kestrelflight: *squints*

Kestrel: *squints harder*

Kestrel: ooo, he kinda does! If you detract everything we know about his character then he’s the best-looking tom in the universe!

\---

_One peaceful day…_

Barley: y’know, there ain’t nothing better on a good sunshiny morning like this than a lovely bowl of hot grits from the stove

Ravenpaw: indeed!

Barely: *gestures* and then you just sprinkle on a couple o’ nice spoonfuls of suga’ on top and mix it all up in there

_Peaceful day has ended._

_The day is now filled with heated grits debates. The day concludes with Barley getting kicked out of the den with all the grits in the barn._

_Barley has lost all grits privileges at the farm for eternity._

\---

Jayfeather: *sighs* I miss my mommy…

Alderheart: well, you have one of them right out there. maybe you could go say hi to her?

Jay:.. *flops on Leafpool’s nest* MOMMEE

\---

Firestar and Sandstorm, when Squirrelflight and Leafpool accidentally visit Starclan: *in unison* we love you girls _so_ much!!

Leaf: aw! we missed you guys too!

Fire: Do you two want to die so you can be with us forever?

Squirrel: w…wat

Sand: Come die with us! *creepy grin*

Leaf: *shrugs* okay!

Squirrel: *backing away* um… actually… I think I have a super edition to finish, so…

\---

Fireheart: *cackling* now that I have you in my gruesome clutches, nothing shall hinder me from achieving my masterful plan, concocted from the depths of my evil brain!

Onewhisker, tied to chair: *sarcastically* oh no! now I’m doomed to succumb to… t-to…

One: line?

Fire: did you even read through your lines?! How am I supposed to be an evil stuffing scientist if you don’t practice beforehand?!

One: Badger I came for food and snuggles not no kind of high school play foxdung

Fire: *blushes* you’re getting really good at improv!

\---

Blackfoot: There is only one step to becoming a tennis master

Blackfoot: Master tennis

Mistyfoot: what the heck kind of sense does that make I wonder

\---

Foxleap: I wanna start a business!

Dustpelt: Impressive! *slurps coffee*

Foxleap: A business all about my favorite things in the whole world! Making _marshmallows!_

Dustpelt: *coffee shoots out of nostrils*

\---

Harestar, posing for photo: Make sure you capture my good side

Breezepelt, behind camera: Ay, this thing doesn’t cover all of the sides!

Hare:

Breeze:

Hare: Then pick one you mousebrain

\---

Crowfeather, waking up in the hospital: Where am I…

Crow: *sees nurse Yew*

Crow: Starclan never said it would be _this_ nice! Should have passed out at work sooner

\---

Needleclaw: HALFCLAN SMOOCHIES ARE BAD and you know that!

Rootspring: *shoves Lightleap towards her*

Needle: … oh _noes_

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully a person or two enjoyed this cat-filled mess! if you did or didn't, have a lovely rest of your time on this earth, folks!
> 
> because you never know when it may end.  
> but hopefully not anytime soon! toodles!


End file.
